Marrying wrong or choosing the wrong partner will cost you uneccessary pain and stress, avoid it at all cost if you can.
Dad is nineteen (19) years older than mom, so i grew up with the notion that older men are better at marriage than younger men due to experience and maturity. Hmmm how ideologies are formed is truly a wonder.
Oh how I loved the relationship between mom and dad. It was just perfect. A match made in heaven I would describe it.
They just understood eachother, like ”two peas in pod”. Mom’s fovarite phrase was ”if possible i will love to marry dad in my next life”. Lovely huh?
I never saw those two fight or argue. I later found out they actually do but never in our presence (the children). How cool is that?
Due to that i grew up not wanting anything to do with guys my age. How sad!, but it is what it is. This confirms that we are truly shaped by our environment whether good or bad. I just thought the older the better, how naïve I was.
Truth is i could not wait to be married, as i thought marriage was a fairytale. Could it be i was watching too many telenovela’s or the relationship i saw between mom and dad?
BE VIGILANT PEOPLE CAN BE FUNNY
Be vigilant people are not always what they seem to be. Most people pretend a lot, their true colours come out later whether good or bad. Dont we all?
Well! well! in 2016 I enrolled at college to study access to health, as I wanted to go university to study nursing. A few months into the course, a cousin of mine introduced a man to me.
He seemed really kind and thoughtful. He was eight years older than I was, so I decided to date him. He would do little things I really appreciated, i stupidly thought he was the one! silly huh?. “Love is blind”.
During the relationship i got pregnant. Just so you know i am Ghanaian from Ghana West Africa, therefore getting pregnant out of wedlock is kind of a no! no!, especially with the kind of tribe and family i come from.
We got married due to that and that was the worst mistake i ever made. The mental, financial, and emotional torture i went through during the time the relationship lasted is a story for another time.
THE COST OF MARRYING WRONG
Uneccessary pain: The emotional pain when a relationship goes wrong is enormous and stressful, especially if there was high hopes and expectations for the relationship, and if a lot was invested into that relationship. Investments could be time, money, emotions etc.
Single parent: The pain of having to raise a child alone is very overwelming, draining and requires all of you.
Abuse emotional, physical abuse etc: The emotional, physical torture you will go through will cost you to lose yourself, such as your confidence, self-esteem etc.
Lack: marrying wrong will cost lack in your life, especially if are left alone to fend for your child or children all by yourself. Raising a child is not a one man’s business.
Uneccessary delay in achievements or life in general: Marrying wrong will cost you to loose time. Like the way i dropped out of college, because i could not cope with pregnancy related illnessess, work and school assisgments.
WHAT TO DO BEFORE YOU SAY I DO
Marry your friend: Marry someone you’ve known for a while. Such relationships is more safe because you know their character, finances, career, emotional intelligence etc. it is hard to be deceived that way.
Never compromise: Marry someone that ticks most of your list. Note i did not say all, i said most. Truth of the matter is you do not have it all together to be honest.
Be careful about reccommendations: Honey! you know yourself, you know what tickles you, do not let well-wishers match you with someone they think will be perfect for you. Look before you leap, get to know them for yourself and not based on what a loved one said. One of the greatest mistakes i made. Avoid it!
Right time: There is time for everything, even the bible says so. Do not feel pressured by age, time or succumb to pressures from family and well-wishers to jump into marriage you are not ready for. Do it at your own time and pace. Remember you are the one going to spend your life in misery not them.
Date their family too: Get involved in his/her family life. Get to know how they treat their family, how passionate he/she is about their family, will determine how they will treat you. What makes you think they will treat you differently when they have no respect for their family?
Red flags: Do not take red flags lightly run for your dear life immediately you spot them. You will save yourself a lot of tears and heartache. Do not ever think a person will change after marriage. Marriage will only amplify their flaws, run!!!.
In summary plan for every aspect of your life. Whether it is relationship, career etc. Plan for it. Plan how you want your life to be. Do not just live life. Great achievers are big time planners. No one just stumbles into great life!. Be intentional in all you do and remember everything is possible to them that believe.